my exchange was life changing.
will blog about kirill in details later. but anyway i met this russian canadian dude in the city where i had my exchange and we dated and now that i’m back in singapore we are currently in a long distance relationship.
so the main issue about ldr is obviously the distance. initially i was very against even keeping in contact after i return but one thing lead to another so yup, i have got a boyfriend in another continent now. it seemed logical to me to think of relocating in the future, so for the first time i got extremely anxious about my future and my career and stuff (i kinda always worry if i can even get a reasonable job after i graduate but never really get any action done about it). so the difference now is that i am actually motivated to start laying plans and preparing for my future.
I always kinda assumed that my future lies in Singapore so I’ll probably be working and establishing a family here where all my friends and family are but after exchange I realised that there is a possibility that there may be some place better for me. Love is a bonus and Toronto is pretty decent so the idea of relocating is appealing but if it fails between us I still wish to work overseas for a few years at least. And now looking back I really felt like a small town girl which is technically true because Singapore is bloody small ~ our country is a nation and a city and a town hahaha.
the thing about me is that i had tried admin work during my 6 months before university and the conclusion i got was that i was a pretty useless admin staff lol. what was common sense to these people was not at all the first protocol i would align with, and i felt really stupid. luckily i got the excuse of being young hehe. i’m not the best conservationist around, and small talks bored me terribly. it seemed as if everyone can make friends better than i do, and frankly speaking it can get a little isolating. politics were unnecessarily as well but they exist, and my god they sure can get bitchy at times. also the work was brain numbing and information were conveyed rather badly so i felt like there were unmatched expectations somewhere and my tasks cant be carried out to my full potential. in a nutshell (the pantry always have food though hahah), i am pretty adverse of admin/ office jobs after that.
studying sociology in a university had been really interesting and i love that my mind is getting expanded in many ways i couldnt imagine, but the more i study the more i am convinced that with my general arts degree i am doomed to eternity in bureaucracy and trapped inside an organisation forever. i mean, i dont have any specialist skills that can lift me out of this depressing economy. unless i decide to open my own business, where i can be not alienated from my product and effort and humanity and fellow workers – shoutout to karl marx i still remembered your stuff! – but im not confident if i can make it on my own. i do have an idea and im bouncing it around in my head atm.
hmm whats the point again? oh, anxiety of finding a (hopefully decent) job. so if i were to even consider moving overseas, as a foreign worker i will not have the benefits of a citizenship or the networks to help me make a new life abroad/ give emotional support. so right now im looking up internships in big companies which ideally have offices in BOTH singapore and toronto. in my fantasy world i will excel as the best intern in a local office and they will beg me to take up their offer and working a few years in singapore before asking for a transfer to toronto branch where my work permit and living expenses and accommodations will be settled just like that, woohoo! but if anything i’ll get work in a MNC so that it will make my resume look pretty enough to at least wash dishes overseas sigh.
another thing that i had changed is that i actually want to get fit. im tall and no one can honestly call me fat but im slightly meaty at certain areas and i want to have girl abs and thigh gaps AND EVERYTHING RIDICULOUS THE OPPRESSIVE MEDIA IS DEMANDING OF THE FEMALE POPULATION OF THE WORLD. well, at least once in my life i would want to have a close to “desirable” body. best if i can suddenly get a boost in metabolism and slim down without effort, but noooo i am cursed with big butt and thunder thighs that refused to go away even when i cut down my kfc addiction to once a week. damn you grandma from my father side. so im following this woman 90days of fitness program and am exercising pretty regularly. and cutting down on the lovely, lovely carbs, sobs. initially wanted to cycle on our stationary bike for an hour daily but kirill’s opinion was basically that’s useless and ineffective so i was pissed as hell and stubbornly wanted to prove him wrong but i was on instagram this fitness guru or something and girls following her program experienced miracle changes in their bodies so i was impressed like fuck and then was crushed cos it will cost me 60-70 dollars to get a hold of that magical slimming bible. so being a cheapskate i googled online if i download a free copy and stumbled upon this girl who recommend another trainer who uploads for free! hell yeah that’s the kind of person i like! her name is neila rey.
also i am giving tuition for the first time. it’s relatively easy money, and i actually learn stuff wow. another topic for another day. but i am saving up money for a future where i can be independent and hopefully happy.