All personal reasons which may seemed pessimistic, but no less valid than opinions of another person who wish to borne children:
Most babies grow up to be average human beings. I believe the average human being is inherently good but not necessarily all (only some) are wise enough to seek understanding of the world and their relation to it. Without which I believe that may lead to further destruction of our nature and humanity. We participate in our own domination, and are unconscious accomplices to the oppression of others, and our empathy for others exist only when we are comfortable (of course I am guilty of the above as well). I just feel that it’s pointless to give birth to another human being whose possibilities of changing the world is minimal but purpose in life likely to be manufactured to be reproducing the same struggles our society is facing today.
I will be destroyed if my child is excessively self centered/ self destructive. My grandma had 4 children who are all married. This year she broke her arm due to negligence of the hired caregiver and due to financial disagreements my grandma had prolonged suffering of ill treatment and emotional tramau. On top of that, all her 4 kids endure power imbalance in their respective marriages, and I think it must had been heartbreaking to see it from the view of a mother. I really don’t think I can handle it if my child is unfilial to me (in the sense that s/he abuse me physically or emotionally – including neglect), or assume an identity that I am fiercely against, such as rapist or murderer or trafficker, or simply has no self respect not dignity for her/himself.
I do not wish to be responsible for the bringing of another human being to the misery of this world. frankly speaking I believe the world is going to shit, with all the environmental degradation and depleting resources and wars and conflict. Even if we do not see from a marco view, employment insecurities and uncertainties about the future are going to intensify in the future. It just didn’t make any sense to me to reproduce for my child to suffer the same issues I’m facing now but at a higher intensity.
I want the best for my offspring. I want my children to receive the best education and support and external sources of love and to bring them around to places that’s going to expand their minds and to teach them whatever that is important. But in order to do that I must have a certain level of financial stability, and even then there’s no guarantee that they will find their place in the world sigh. I also my child to be beautiful and kind and smart and healthy and charismatic and likable and be safe and meet only other nice and interesting people but there are so many things out of my control. What if they are ostracized because my genes failed them, or have disabilities that hampers their future? Am I thinking too far, yes. But while I will not apologize for wanting the best for my kid(s), the worries are burdensome enough which does affect my decision to have them.
I believe the idea of having children is narcissistic at the very core. why do one want their kids to achieve something in life? Isn’t the idea to win is to overtake over competitors, to be better than the other (parents)? Besides, the hope that our children will be the change in the world is a little too optimistic? It is human tendency to project our own aspirations onto our children, hoping that they will be the one fulfilling our own dreams. Furthermore, there are indeed people who succumb to societal pressure – friends of similar age having their own kids, seniors family members asking about family planning – a very powerful motivation but not necessarily the best. Also, to have a human being belonging to only one (and partner) alone must be an overwhelming feeling (in a good way hopefully), when the child’s totally dependent on one and hence their unconditional love is truly uh… empowering?? There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, just that I feel the reasons have elements of egocentrism. Except if one have children simply for its short term benefits such as claiming paid leave and government money wtf. I can’t think of other reasons on why people have kids anymore haha.
All parents damage their child. if you love too much, the kid may be too sheltered and inability to deal with harshness of the world. If you love too little the child may be emotionally fucked up. If you love just nice well I think it’s not enough – there’s the way you interact with others, how you treat your kins, friends, infuriating people, how you deal with pleasant and unpleasant issues – the kid looks up to you for everything. Somedays they are going to ask for unfeasible demands so feelings are going to be hurt somewhere, and rejections going to happen eventually. There is no perfect parenting method because we are only human and making mistakes are one of the very few constants we can count on lol.
It is a natural procedure to procreate and ensure the survival of our species, but in this modern day our choices to have or not have children shouldn’t be condemned. I don’t think someone not having a kid is more selfish than the other, or vice versa. I always thought it is better to have no kids than being a lousy parent anyway. Besides, with all the resources that I’m not going to focus on my theoretical offspring, I can use them to maybe help out fellow mankind, even if it may not be significant. Instead of having one or few of my own, I want to foster kids so I get a constant supply of cute kids yay!!!! Hahaha