Heartbreaking

I left you a link where there was only a post addressed to you and I was aware you may click it one day. I think you sent your friends to read too and one of them left a very sweet comment which dissolved me into puddles of tears. I like to think that this friend who cares about a stranger is taking good care of you too

I can’t function properly. I’m eating and sleeping and going about my daily routine but it’s not living. I can’t bring myself to be a better person because I was stupid to make you my goal and now there’s a hole. I can’t see when I’m crying I can’t breathe my nose is stuffy I can’t do anything because I feel every fucking thing. There are things I should do and I’m too wallowed in my own hurt and pity party to follow. I’ll break out of it, I have to, it just don’t seem any time soon.

I… am having regrets, thinking, hell I’ll give you five babies if it means that I’ll have you. I’ll book you an air ticket and hide you if I have to. I really want you back again. I want to make you happy I want to hear you laugh I want to feel your touch again. It feel like my decision is wrong in fact the worst ever and I can’t believe in it any more and I don’t have much strength to carry on.

You know, there’s a quote that says something like, don’t marry someone you can live with, find someone you can’t live without, and I’m beginning to think that id found a home in you. The problem is that I left, and while I had the impulse to run back to you begging for forgiveness, I won’t do it. Pride is an issue, but love is a bigger one – I won’t let you be hurt by me again. How can I take back all the pain I caused you? There is no way we can continue this relationship where I left and then return without guilt and furthermore with no promises I won’t do it again.

I wish your letter will come soon. I wish I can get to know how you’re thinking and feeling. I really don’t know what to do now

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